3 Steps to simplify your life:

Step 1: Give up false Self-Identity
Step 2: Give up being perfect
​Step 3: Give up being right

​“No, no. I trust your judgment. Implicitly. You're just wrong.” ~ Hy Conrad

It feels right to be right, but do you know that being right all the time is actually wrong? No one knows everything at all times, so chances are sometimes you are wrong! There is an even more annoying situation: you know that you are absolutely right, but people want to argue with you just to prove that you are wrong. How do you deal with that? 

The first year I arrived in America, I landed in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I remember it was a Sunday afternoon. My partner Roger and I went into a grocery store and did our weekly grocery shopping. On my way out, I noticed that there were two sets of doors. I went towards the door to my left, and Roger screamed at top of his lungs, “Why are you going that way? My car is parked on the right side of the door!” He shook his head with a very disgusted look on his face. The interpretation in my head was “I am so stupid, I can never do it right!” I completely shut down. This was a typical communication pattern I had with Roger. 

Wanting to be right was my mission for many years. It felt like it was the only way to survive in the relationship with Roger. Looking back, I know it is the root of my perfectionism. I had to be perfect, or I would be attacked by him. Throughout the 11 years of our relationship, I was constantly engaged in a competition with him to be right. It was very exhausting and eventually led to my suicidal thoughts.

Over the years, I have worked on giving up being right. Giving up being right also means giving up judgment. 

“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” ~ Wayne Dyer
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Practicing “No judgment” means sticking to the facts. For example, driving on a highway, if someone abruptly pulls in front of my car, my instinct might be to yell “What a stupid a-hole! He shouldn’t be driving like this!” Sticking to the facts would be: “This man pulled his car in front of mine abruptly, and I got scared.” Stop right here. Do not run the mental movie in your head.

Negativity breeds negativity. The more judgmental you are; the more negative you become. Giving up being right does not mean that you are wrong nor becoming a door mat. It means you are able to see the big picture and understand that there are two sides to every story. You can always learn to see the positive side.  
  
Giving up being right opens up a world of peace. You will notice things that used to bother you now roll off your back effortlessly. People around you are still being rude and judgmental, but your choice of giving up being right somehow eliminates the negative energy. It brings you more loving kindness and a deeper sense of understanding towards humanity. 

Next time someone is challenging your beliefs, use that opportunity to practice giving up being right:

Step 1: Notice yourself feeling the need to defend yourself. Drop it.

Step 2: Focus on how you feel emotionally.  Stay in your heart and feel your feelings without judgment. 

Step 3: Use this format to communicate: “When you behave this way, I feel… (Use feeling words: anger, sad, hurt, lonely, and so on). Take it from your head to your heart. The power of using feeling words is that any human being on this planet can relate to you. 

It’s ok to have disagreements with someone you care about. You can still love this person, but you don’t have to pay the price of feeling like a loser if someone disagrees with you.

Ask yourself this question: At the end of day, what matters to you the most? Winning the argument? Proving to people how smart you are? For me, it is having inner peace and knowing that I have done my best to love, forgive and create the life I want. 

“Being right” is the job description for a drama queen. It is guaranteed to provide you with a chaotic life. Life is so much simpler if you give up being right. Once you have made this conscious decision, the rest will fall into place!

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Wayne Dyer

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Step 1: Give up false Self-Identity
Step 2: Give up being perfect
​Step 3: Give up being right

​Forget about being perfect, let’s be curious. When you are trying to be perfect, you become rigid; when you are curious, you become creative.
 
Growing up in Taiwan, just like all the other kids in Asia, I was trained to strictly follow the rules. If one chose not to, the negative consequence could be harsh. For example, back in the 70’s, if someone robbed a bank, they could receive the death penalty.
 
When I was 12 years old, my favorite class was art. One of the assignments was to create a picture of a vase just as the one shown in the art book. I did this assignment with my friend Nina. As I was having fun making my vase look like a mosaic, with all different shapes and colors, Nina said, “Oh, no, you are doing this completely wrong! We are supposed to make our pictures look exactly like the one in the book.” The stubborn part of me refused to make another one, even though I understood what the rule was.
 
After turning in my artwork, it was time to review the results. Mr. Wong stood in front of the class and said, “Look at this picture. All of you in this class turned in this assignment exactly as I asked, except this one!” My heart dropped, “Holy shit, that is mine! I wish I could run away right now! Nina was right, I am in trouble!” I glanced over at her, and she gave me that “I told you so” look. Mr. Wong continued, “Indeed, this is the most creative piece I’ve seen in a long time. The shapes and colors in mosaic style bring a sense of playfulness and different meanings to us. The spirit of art really is to inspire others and to be inspired!”
 
Mr. Wong chose me to represent our school to compete with kids from other school districts. I felt flattered and scared at the same time. On the day of competition, after I set my easel up among other kids in a beautiful park, I panicked. I saw the watercolor picture done by the boy right next to me. There were beautiful palm trees, and by the sidewalk there was a bench and people walking around so vividly. It was an amazing painting! I said to myself, “I could never paint a beautiful picture like that…”
 
Finally, I got the courage to pick up brush and start to paint my picture, and I immediately messed up! The little perfectionist inside of me started talking: “The cloud is supposed to be fluffy, and the sky is supposed to be blue!” I used the wrong colors - dark gray, green and purple. Watercolor is the most unforgiving media. You can never go back to erase it if you don’t like the colors. I was very upset and I started to cry. I just wanted to pack everything up and go home.
 
Mr. Wong came by, and I told him why I wanted to give up. He looked at my picture and said, “No, you are doing just fine.” He picked up the paintbrush and added red, purple, orange, yellow and brown colors on the part where I messed up. It was magic! With just a few strokes on top of the mistake I made on my painting, it became a stunning sunset picture with dramatic colors in the sky. I couldn’t believe what I saw with my own eyes. Mr. Wong said, “See, sometimes the sky looks just like this!” This experience opened my eyes to see how my perfectionism had caused me to feel hopeless and helpless; and how giving up my need to be perfect actually brought a brand new perspective to my situation.
 
Being perfect is for “dead people”. Why? The heart rate of dead people is perfectly flat, and they will never make another mistake. They are done, and their lives are over! When you strive for perfection, you can be paralyzed by fear of failure or feelings of inadequacy and end up not wanting to do anything at all. The beauty of being a human being is that you are going to make many mistakes, and that’s okay. It’s how you learn. As long as you are alive, you have an unlimited ability to improve yourself! You get to play and go on a journey of self-discovery!
 
Being curious is the cure for perfectionism. Today, pick one thing you are afraid to do, set your fear aside, and focus on being curious – be creative, resourceful, and have fun! If you can learn to enjoy this moment, it is more than likely that you will continue to enjoy your adventure in the next moment too. This is how you simplify your life - by giving up being perfect!
 
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen  

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Step 1: Give up false Self Identity
Step 2: Give up being perfect
Step 3: Give up being right

​Simplicity is one of the most attractive qualities in life!
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In this fast-paced ego-driven world, we often forget about who we are and attach ourselves to false self-identities. False self-identities create confusion, anxiety and depression. It’s like wearing clothes that don’t fit, yet pretending that you like it. Eventually you lose touch with who you truly are. You strive for perfection. You believe that who you are is based on the things you own, how you look, and your position on the social ladder.
 
Here is a story about how a false self-identity can destroy a human being. When I was 7 years old, my father had a very prestigious job in Taiwan. After working decades for the government, he was about to be promoted as the head of the aviation administration for all of Taiwan.
 
My father was known for his brutal honesty and upright personality. At that time, many government officials were taking bribes. He wasn’t good with the political games and was disgusted with all of the corruption and bribery in the system. Eventually and ironically, he was framed and accused of bribery.
 
The lawsuit lasted for 10 years. In Taiwan a person could be tried repeatedly for the same crime until a guilty verdict was reached. Even though there were 3 verdicts of not guilty, the 4th verdict was guilty. My father ended up having to serve 6 months in prison. He went from being a brilliant charismatic strong man to an unemployed sad broken man. My father was completely destroyed because his entire self-identity was based on his career.
 
It is common for people to hold on to false self-identities. You can misidentify many things as your self-identity, such as what you do, how you look, your thoughts and feelings, who you are associated with, or your social status and possessions. In reality, you are much more than all of these!
 
So how do you train yourself to recognize that you are holding on a false self-identity?
 
#1: If you feel awful about yourself, that is an indication that you might be holding on something that doesn’t reflect who you truly are.
 
#2: If you feel like you are better than everyone else, then you might be holding on a false sense of security.
 
Make a commitment today to identify and give up all of your false self-identities. Your true self-identity is pure love, pure peace, and pure joy. When you have clarity about who you truly are, letting go becomes much easier. This is the first step of simplifying your life!
 
Life really is simple. Just be your true self! Allow yourself to be the flowing energy that is full of love, peace and joy. After all, life is like a box of chocolates… let yourself enjoy every piece of it!
 
“What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ~ Mother Teresa

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Week 1: Be Forgiving
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Be Connected

Be Connected to LOVE.

​Do you know that a newborn baby would die without being shown affection from its caregiver? This was proven by an experiment done in 1944 in the United States. Every human being needs to feel loved, or we will find it very difficult to survive. Currently, suicide rates for young adults and teenagers are rising. According to CDC records, suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24 in this country.
 
The good news is that you are loved. Mother Earth loves you no matter how many mistakes you have made! Mother Earth holds you with gravity just like how she holds everyone else. Imagine if mother earth were to say to you, “Hey, you’ve been a bad boy, you got drunk again last night. I’m fed up with you and I’m not going to hold you anymore…” Poof! There you go. You are thrown into outer space, screaming, “Ahhh”…and floating without gravity, feeling totally out of control...
 
In fact, not only Mother Earth loves you. You also have an inner guide that has your best interests in mind and tells you the truth whether you like it or not. Many people recognize this part of self as the Conscience. I call this part of you, your Inner Twin. Your Inner Twin knows your every little dark secret, yet your Inner Twin will never judge you and always love you unconditionally.
 
Many of us develop a habit of living in fear. When we focus on fear, we don’t feel love. The first step in recovery is to remember that your Inner Twin is available to you 24/7! You are not alone on this journey. Whenever you feel fear or loneliness, all you need to do is to reach out to your Inner Twin. The closer your connection with your Inner Twin, the more love you will feel. Indeed, love is the most powerful cure for healing!
 
In November 2013, one afternoon I came home from work and found my husband Gordon having a very hard time breathing. I thought he was having an asthma attack. I gave him breathing treatments with his inhaler, but his condition got worse. He was pale, sweaty, and not able to speak. His entire body was struggling to get oxygen. I immediately called 911. The ambulance came and rushed him to the ER. There were about 15 people in the room, and half of them were interns. The attending doctor was teaching the interns, “Let’s try this medication, if this doesn’t work, let’s try that…” Meanwhile, Gordon was fighting off the oxygen mask, he begged, “Please help me, I can’t breathe…” I couldn’t help but move closer, trying to be by his side. After two hours of trying various medications, nothing worked. As they were about to give him tracheotomy, the medical team screamed at me, “Ma’am, Ma’am, get out of the way! Get out of the way!” They were about to put a straitjacket on me and send me to the mental hospital.
 
I was standing in the corner of the ER, watching Gordon die in front of my eyes. My knees were shaking uncontrollably. I felt so helpless and powerless. It was at that moment, that I reached out to my Inner Twin. My Inner Twin reminded me to practice “Surrender”. This is a situation completely out of my control. To surrender means to say good-bye to Gordon. So, I did. In my head, I said to Gordon, “This has been the most amazing 11 months of my life and I treasured every moment of it. If this is the time that you need to go, I am ok with it. I would feel very sad about it. But I just don’t want you to suffer anymore.” Simultaneous and miraculously, the attending doctor figured out maybe Gordon had anaphylaxic shock. He gave Gordon a shot of epinephrine, within just minutes Gordon was able to breathe normally again.
 
This experience not only brought Gordon and I closer. More importantly, it showed me that no matter what happens, I will always have someone internally who loves me, especially when no one is available to comfort me.
 
Being connected to LOVE means being connected to your Inner Twin. Once you are connected to your Inner Twin, it’s like your power cord is plugged in. You are not here to suffer, you are here to celebrate! Celebrate the fact that you are powerful beyond measure!
 
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung

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