Part 1: Who are you?
Part 2: How to connect to your Authentic Self - Inner Twin
Part 3: Be one with your Inner Twin = Amazing Life!

​“Who are you to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?... Who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson

When I was 10 years old, during a casual conversation, my mom told me, “You were born as such an ugly baby, you came out with a full head of hair, and you looked like a cat! No nurses wanted to hold you!” Mom even gave me an endearing nick name: “Ugly Duckling”. As I grew up, this stuck with me. While I occasionally received compliments about my physical appearance from others, I never believed them. My self-esteem was gone by the time I was a little girl.

Many of us struggle to find who we are. We take on other people’s points of view and make them our own. If people think we are physically fit and attractive, our self-esteem goes up, if people criticize our appearance, our self-esteem goes down. 

In the case of not liking the way we look, it may drive us to binge eating, drinking excessively, using illegal drugs, you name it… all kinds of addictive behavior! All we want is to get rid of that yucky feeling inside of us. In reality, we ARE the same amazing human beings whether our weight goes up or down! What we really need is to know who we truly are, and the truth will set us free! We no longer need to use substances to numb ourselves and run away from our emotional pain.

If the idea of “Living fearlessly” is appealing to you, I would like to invite you to go on a journey of self-discovery:

Step 1: Remember who you are:

As a human being, the essence of who you are is pure love, pure peace and pure joy. You don’t need to earn love, find peace or pursue joy, it is in your DNA! 

LOVE is why you are here. Living a life without feeling loved is like a guitar without strings, there is no live music anymore! You walk around like an empty shell. You feel like you’re missing something, but you just don’t know what it is. 

The definition of love is “An intense feeling of deep affection.” When you love someone, you show interest and affection to this person. Constantly criticizing and beating up someone is not an act of love. Unfortunately, we all are guilty of that. The question is, are you ready to learn how to love, honor and cherish yourself?

Step 2: Love yourself:

Having self-compassion is a learned skill. We live in a fear-based world, and practicing love and kindness can be very challenging, especially when everyone around you is negative or critical! When you set your default on love instead of fear, your loving energy overrides negativity just like the darkness disappears when the Iight comes in! 

How do you love yourself? Personally, I spent the majority of my life searching for love – in all kinds of wrong places. I thought if I loved someone selflessly, someone eventually would love me back. WRONG! No one can love myself for me just like no one can eat or breathe for me. I needed to learn how to love myself first, so I could love someone freely without attachments. I went to many therapists to learn how to love this person I hated so much and had to live with. No one could give me a concrete answer. They told me, “Just meditate, think positive, and be kind to yourself.” They all sounded great, and I gave them a try, they would work for a while, but eventually none of them worked for me. Why? It took me many years to figure this out: I showed no desire to be with the person I am. I hated myself so much, I just wanted to disappear or be someone else. 

One day, after I acted out again feeling so ashamed of myself. I grabbed a chair and started to talk to myself. I admitted to myself that I had been an asshole to myself, then I switched chairs, again talking to myself, “It’s ok. I love you just the way you are.” “Let’s start over. I’ve got your back.” In that moment, I experienced an enormous amount of love and compassion. I starting to cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe that after years of abandoning and hating myself, there was actually a person inside of me who would forgive me and take me back. That was the beginning of my self-healing journey. This was how I created my signature therapy “Inner Twin”. 

Who is your Inner Twin? Your Inner Twin is your conscience, your higher self, your authentic self… that part of you that tells you the truth whether you’d like to hear it or not. Your Inner Twin has your best interests in mind, and will always love you unconditionally. This is about learning positive self-talk. It extracts that part of you that knows how to care for and love someone, such as your pets, your family and friends. Instead of offering love and compassion outwardly, you are offering it to yourself. I call this part of you: your “Inner Twin”, simply because you are connected to this part of you just like identical twins are connected to one another.

People constantly ask me how to build self-confidence? My answer is always the same: You must get connected to your Authentic Self, your Inner Twin! Your Inner Twin is like the world’s biggest bank that belongs to you. Once you are connected, you’ll have access to unlimited wealth. Spiritually speaking, you will feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, wherever you go!

True love comes from within. Nothing from the external world can bring you long lasting love. Continuing to look for love outside of you is like jumping on the train that goes to “Crazy Town”, you will never feel good enough about yourself!

Maybe you have tried very hard to get approval from others. Here is the good news! You already have the approval from your Inner Twin! You don’t need to earn love or prove yourself to others. It is your birthright to be loved! The only person in this Universe who knows how to love you just the way you want to be loved is YOU! It’s time to be with your Inner Twin and get on a fearless journey that brings you abundant enthusiasm and self-confidence! 

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” ~ The top five regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware

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3 Steps to simplify your life:

Step 1: Give up false Self-Identity
Step 2: Give up being perfect
​Step 3: Give up being right

​“No, no. I trust your judgment. Implicitly. You're just wrong.” ~ Hy Conrad

It feels right to be right, but do you know that being right all the time is actually wrong? No one knows everything at all times, so chances are sometimes you are wrong! There is an even more annoying situation: you know that you are absolutely right, but people want to argue with you just to prove that you are wrong. How do you deal with that? 

The first year I arrived in America, I landed in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I remember it was a Sunday afternoon. My partner Roger and I went into a grocery store and did our weekly grocery shopping. On my way out, I noticed that there were two sets of doors. I went towards the door to my left, and Roger screamed at top of his lungs, “Why are you going that way? My car is parked on the right side of the door!” He shook his head with a very disgusted look on his face. The interpretation in my head was “I am so stupid, I can never do it right!” I completely shut down. This was a typical communication pattern I had with Roger. 

Wanting to be right was my mission for many years. It felt like it was the only way to survive in the relationship with Roger. Looking back, I know it is the root of my perfectionism. I had to be perfect, or I would be attacked by him. Throughout the 11 years of our relationship, I was constantly engaged in a competition with him to be right. It was very exhausting and eventually led to my suicidal thoughts.

Over the years, I have worked on giving up being right. Giving up being right also means giving up judgment. 

“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” ~ Wayne Dyer
​
Practicing “No judgment” means sticking to the facts. For example, driving on a highway, if someone abruptly pulls in front of my car, my instinct might be to yell “What a stupid a-hole! He shouldn’t be driving like this!” Sticking to the facts would be: “This man pulled his car in front of mine abruptly, and I got scared.” Stop right here. Do not run the mental movie in your head.

Negativity breeds negativity. The more judgmental you are; the more negative you become. Giving up being right does not mean that you are wrong nor becoming a door mat. It means you are able to see the big picture and understand that there are two sides to every story. You can always learn to see the positive side.  
  
Giving up being right opens up a world of peace. You will notice things that used to bother you now roll off your back effortlessly. People around you are still being rude and judgmental, but your choice of giving up being right somehow eliminates the negative energy. It brings you more loving kindness and a deeper sense of understanding towards humanity. 

Next time someone is challenging your beliefs, use that opportunity to practice giving up being right:

Step 1: Notice yourself feeling the need to defend yourself. Drop it.

Step 2: Focus on how you feel emotionally.  Stay in your heart and feel your feelings without judgment. 

Step 3: Use this format to communicate: “When you behave this way, I feel… (Use feeling words: anger, sad, hurt, lonely, and so on). Take it from your head to your heart. The power of using feeling words is that any human being on this planet can relate to you. 

It’s ok to have disagreements with someone you care about. You can still love this person, but you don’t have to pay the price of feeling like a loser if someone disagrees with you.

Ask yourself this question: At the end of day, what matters to you the most? Winning the argument? Proving to people how smart you are? For me, it is having inner peace and knowing that I have done my best to love, forgive and create the life I want. 

“Being right” is the job description for a drama queen. It is guaranteed to provide you with a chaotic life. Life is so much simpler if you give up being right. Once you have made this conscious decision, the rest will fall into place!

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Wayne Dyer

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Step 1: Give up false Self-Identity
Step 2: Give up being perfect
​Step 3: Give up being right

​Forget about being perfect, let’s be curious. When you are trying to be perfect, you become rigid; when you are curious, you become creative.
 
Growing up in Taiwan, just like all the other kids in Asia, I was trained to strictly follow the rules. If one chose not to, the negative consequence could be harsh. For example, back in the 70’s, if someone robbed a bank, they could receive the death penalty.
 
When I was 12 years old, my favorite class was art. One of the assignments was to create a picture of a vase just as the one shown in the art book. I did this assignment with my friend Nina. As I was having fun making my vase look like a mosaic, with all different shapes and colors, Nina said, “Oh, no, you are doing this completely wrong! We are supposed to make our pictures look exactly like the one in the book.” The stubborn part of me refused to make another one, even though I understood what the rule was.
 
After turning in my artwork, it was time to review the results. Mr. Wong stood in front of the class and said, “Look at this picture. All of you in this class turned in this assignment exactly as I asked, except this one!” My heart dropped, “Holy shit, that is mine! I wish I could run away right now! Nina was right, I am in trouble!” I glanced over at her, and she gave me that “I told you so” look. Mr. Wong continued, “Indeed, this is the most creative piece I’ve seen in a long time. The shapes and colors in mosaic style bring a sense of playfulness and different meanings to us. The spirit of art really is to inspire others and to be inspired!”
 
Mr. Wong chose me to represent our school to compete with kids from other school districts. I felt flattered and scared at the same time. On the day of competition, after I set my easel up among other kids in a beautiful park, I panicked. I saw the watercolor picture done by the boy right next to me. There were beautiful palm trees, and by the sidewalk there was a bench and people walking around so vividly. It was an amazing painting! I said to myself, “I could never paint a beautiful picture like that…”
 
Finally, I got the courage to pick up brush and start to paint my picture, and I immediately messed up! The little perfectionist inside of me started talking: “The cloud is supposed to be fluffy, and the sky is supposed to be blue!” I used the wrong colors - dark gray, green and purple. Watercolor is the most unforgiving media. You can never go back to erase it if you don’t like the colors. I was very upset and I started to cry. I just wanted to pack everything up and go home.
 
Mr. Wong came by, and I told him why I wanted to give up. He looked at my picture and said, “No, you are doing just fine.” He picked up the paintbrush and added red, purple, orange, yellow and brown colors on the part where I messed up. It was magic! With just a few strokes on top of the mistake I made on my painting, it became a stunning sunset picture with dramatic colors in the sky. I couldn’t believe what I saw with my own eyes. Mr. Wong said, “See, sometimes the sky looks just like this!” This experience opened my eyes to see how my perfectionism had caused me to feel hopeless and helpless; and how giving up my need to be perfect actually brought a brand new perspective to my situation.
 
Being perfect is for “dead people”. Why? The heart rate of dead people is perfectly flat, and they will never make another mistake. They are done, and their lives are over! When you strive for perfection, you can be paralyzed by fear of failure or feelings of inadequacy and end up not wanting to do anything at all. The beauty of being a human being is that you are going to make many mistakes, and that’s okay. It’s how you learn. As long as you are alive, you have an unlimited ability to improve yourself! You get to play and go on a journey of self-discovery!
 
Being curious is the cure for perfectionism. Today, pick one thing you are afraid to do, set your fear aside, and focus on being curious – be creative, resourceful, and have fun! If you can learn to enjoy this moment, it is more than likely that you will continue to enjoy your adventure in the next moment too. This is how you simplify your life - by giving up being perfect!
 
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen  

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Step 1: Give up false Self Identity
Step 2: Give up being perfect
Step 3: Give up being right

​Simplicity is one of the most attractive qualities in life!
​
In this fast-paced ego-driven world, we often forget about who we are and attach ourselves to false self-identities. False self-identities create confusion, anxiety and depression. It’s like wearing clothes that don’t fit, yet pretending that you like it. Eventually you lose touch with who you truly are. You strive for perfection. You believe that who you are is based on the things you own, how you look, and your position on the social ladder.
 
Here is a story about how a false self-identity can destroy a human being. When I was 7 years old, my father had a very prestigious job in Taiwan. After working decades for the government, he was about to be promoted as the head of the aviation administration for all of Taiwan.
 
My father was known for his brutal honesty and upright personality. At that time, many government officials were taking bribes. He wasn’t good with the political games and was disgusted with all of the corruption and bribery in the system. Eventually and ironically, he was framed and accused of bribery.
 
The lawsuit lasted for 10 years. In Taiwan a person could be tried repeatedly for the same crime until a guilty verdict was reached. Even though there were 3 verdicts of not guilty, the 4th verdict was guilty. My father ended up having to serve 6 months in prison. He went from being a brilliant charismatic strong man to an unemployed sad broken man. My father was completely destroyed because his entire self-identity was based on his career.
 
It is common for people to hold on to false self-identities. You can misidentify many things as your self-identity, such as what you do, how you look, your thoughts and feelings, who you are associated with, or your social status and possessions. In reality, you are much more than all of these!
 
So how do you train yourself to recognize that you are holding on a false self-identity?
 
#1: If you feel awful about yourself, that is an indication that you might be holding on something that doesn’t reflect who you truly are.
 
#2: If you feel like you are better than everyone else, then you might be holding on a false sense of security.
 
Make a commitment today to identify and give up all of your false self-identities. Your true self-identity is pure love, pure peace, and pure joy. When you have clarity about who you truly are, letting go becomes much easier. This is the first step of simplifying your life!
 
Life really is simple. Just be your true self! Allow yourself to be the flowing energy that is full of love, peace and joy. After all, life is like a box of chocolates… let yourself enjoy every piece of it!
 
“What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ~ Mother Teresa

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Week 1: Be Forgiving
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Be Connected

Be Connected to LOVE.

​Do you know that a newborn baby would die without being shown affection from its caregiver? This was proven by an experiment done in 1944 in the United States. Every human being needs to feel loved, or we will find it very difficult to survive. Currently, suicide rates for young adults and teenagers are rising. According to CDC records, suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24 in this country.
 
The good news is that you are loved. Mother Earth loves you no matter how many mistakes you have made! Mother Earth holds you with gravity just like how she holds everyone else. Imagine if mother earth were to say to you, “Hey, you’ve been a bad boy, you got drunk again last night. I’m fed up with you and I’m not going to hold you anymore…” Poof! There you go. You are thrown into outer space, screaming, “Ahhh”…and floating without gravity, feeling totally out of control...
 
In fact, not only Mother Earth loves you. You also have an inner guide that has your best interests in mind and tells you the truth whether you like it or not. Many people recognize this part of self as the Conscience. I call this part of you, your Inner Twin. Your Inner Twin knows your every little dark secret, yet your Inner Twin will never judge you and always love you unconditionally.
 
Many of us develop a habit of living in fear. When we focus on fear, we don’t feel love. The first step in recovery is to remember that your Inner Twin is available to you 24/7! You are not alone on this journey. Whenever you feel fear or loneliness, all you need to do is to reach out to your Inner Twin. The closer your connection with your Inner Twin, the more love you will feel. Indeed, love is the most powerful cure for healing!
 
In November 2013, one afternoon I came home from work and found my husband Gordon having a very hard time breathing. I thought he was having an asthma attack. I gave him breathing treatments with his inhaler, but his condition got worse. He was pale, sweaty, and not able to speak. His entire body was struggling to get oxygen. I immediately called 911. The ambulance came and rushed him to the ER. There were about 15 people in the room, and half of them were interns. The attending doctor was teaching the interns, “Let’s try this medication, if this doesn’t work, let’s try that…” Meanwhile, Gordon was fighting off the oxygen mask, he begged, “Please help me, I can’t breathe…” I couldn’t help but move closer, trying to be by his side. After two hours of trying various medications, nothing worked. As they were about to give him tracheotomy, the medical team screamed at me, “Ma’am, Ma’am, get out of the way! Get out of the way!” They were about to put a straitjacket on me and send me to the mental hospital.
 
I was standing in the corner of the ER, watching Gordon die in front of my eyes. My knees were shaking uncontrollably. I felt so helpless and powerless. It was at that moment, that I reached out to my Inner Twin. My Inner Twin reminded me to practice “Surrender”. This is a situation completely out of my control. To surrender means to say good-bye to Gordon. So, I did. In my head, I said to Gordon, “This has been the most amazing 11 months of my life and I treasured every moment of it. If this is the time that you need to go, I am ok with it. I would feel very sad about it. But I just don’t want you to suffer anymore.” Simultaneous and miraculously, the attending doctor figured out maybe Gordon had anaphylaxic shock. He gave Gordon a shot of epinephrine, within just minutes Gordon was able to breathe normally again.
 
This experience not only brought Gordon and I closer. More importantly, it showed me that no matter what happens, I will always have someone internally who loves me, especially when no one is available to comfort me.
 
Being connected to LOVE means being connected to your Inner Twin. Once you are connected to your Inner Twin, it’s like your power cord is plugged in. You are not here to suffer, you are here to celebrate! Celebrate the fact that you are powerful beyond measure!
 
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung

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Week 1: Be Forgiving
Week 2: Be Present
Week 3: Be Connected

​​The best present that your life can offer you is “The Present”! ​​This is why every second of here and now is called the “Present” moment! Unfortunately, we often spend the present moment stuck in the past or the future, and our lives are slipping away right in front of our eyes without even being noticed.
 
In the winter of 1992, I was driving in a very bad snow storm on the US highway 23. It was about midnight, and I was afraid that I would get into a crash because I couldn’t see the road, which was covered by snow. To avoid switching lanes unknowingly, I came up with a brilliant idea to keep myself safe: Just follow the white line and stay on the far right side of the highway. Everything was ok, until about an hour later, when all of a sudden I had no choice but to stop. There was a huge airplane parked in front of my car. I was speechless. “Holy shit, where am I?” I panicked, and I stepped out of my car, the snow was deep, up to my knees. In the far distance, I saw a building. There was a man in the building who saw me walking around in the snow. He screamed at me, “You are trespassing, this is a domestic airport! What the hell are you doing here at one o’clock in the morning?” I was scared, confused, and frozen to death. All I wanted was to be able to get home safely.
 
This life experience taught me a precious lesson: Being present is the ultimate key to keeping myself safe, especially when I am freaking out. My brilliant idea was narrow-minded wishful thinking. By following the white line, I did not pay any attention to the exit signs on the highway. I was not being present and aware of my surroundings. That was how I ended up running into that huge airplane!
 
Most recently, I saw a TIME magazine cover titled: “Mindfulness - The new science of health and happiness”. It seemed odd to me that they called it the “New Science”, since the practice of mindfulness has been around for thousands of years. One of the most important qualities of mindfulness is the ability to be present. The benefits of being present include: better concentration and self-control, higher productivity, less stress, and increased self-compassion and acceptance. Thankfully, mindfulness is now becoming a mainstream practice in the western world.
 
Here is a very simple tool to help you be present. I called it “3 Boxes”. Imagine there are three boxes in front of you, on the left the box represents the Past; on the right the box represents the Future, and the box in the middle represents the Present.
 
Now, if you want to experience shame and guilt, which box do you focus on? The Past! If you want to experience fear, which box do you focus on? The Future! If you want to experience love, peace and joy, which box do you focus on? Yes, the answer is the Present! Just that simple!
 
In reality, the past is done, you can’t go back to fix it no matter how remorseful you are. The future is not here, but you can scare yourself to death by thinking about the worst-case scenario and all kinds of what ifs. You will end up being paralyzed by this kind of neurotic fear.
 
If you use this moment and focus on your past and/or your future, you are creating a life that is absolutely delusional! The definition of Zen is that there is no reality outside of here and now. So, why would you create a life that is delusional? Why would you choose to spend time being paralyzed? Do you have power to choose to be present? Yes! Absolutely yes!
 
The untrained mind will constantly take you to the past and the future. That is why it is very difficult for you to stay present. Here is a simple exercise you can do to stay present: Identify everything in your surroundings in a very quick fashion. You will notice that your anxiety goes down, simply because in the moment no one is attacking you, your house is not on fire, you are ok exactly where you are!
 
If you are depressed you are living in the past; if you are anxious you are living in the future; if you are at peace you are living in the present. – Lao Tzu

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​We are happy to announce our new 3 week Mental Detox series. This week we are discussing forgiveness.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free! ​No one wants to be a prisoner. The reality is that many of us are living our lives just like a prisoner serving a life sentence. We are trapped in the past, dwelling on the mistakes we have made, or the abuse others have done to us.
 
Do you recall the mental movie you have played over and over in your head? It only makes you feel bad, yet you just don’t seem to be able stop it. So why do we torture ourselves like this? How do we set ourselves free once and for all? 
 
Ready for the answer? Forgiveness.
 
People have told me that they can’t forgive because somehow it makes what happened to them acceptable. Forgiveness does not mean what happened to you was ok, nor to forget about it. Indeed, not only do you remember what happened, you also have the courage to process the feelings and body sensations that are associated with it. As a result of that, you are no longer a victim who is bonded with the perpetrator. “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.”**
 
For those of you who can’t stop beating yourself up for your mistakes, practicing forgiveness will serve you as a reset button, and allow you to learn a lesson from them! Everyone makes mistakes, big and small. Yet ALL of us deserve to be forgiven, including yourself! The beauty of being human beings is that we have unlimited ability to improve ourselves! Without forgiveness, we will continue to get stuck at square one.
 
When you choose not to forgive, the anger and resentment becomes like a venom, circulating in your body, day in and day out eating you up. Eventually you will get very sick physically, mentally or spiritually. Forgiveness is the first step for your mental detox.
 
For me, the most difficult thing to forgive was the sexual abuse that happened when I was a little girl. It took me many years to finally admit and process what had happened. I chose to forgive my perpetrators, not for them, but for me. What I realized is that forgiveness in fact comes with an amazing sense of inner peace.
 
Do you want to live a life that is light and free? Forgiveness is the key. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was me!” **

** “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you!” ~ Lewis B Smedes
** “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.” ~ Bernard Meltzer
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​“My name is Wen, I am a recovering Worryholic!” I used to be a 24/7 worrier. If I had nothing to worry about, I would invent something to worry about. If you can relate to me, this blog is for you!
 
            In 1992, I got my first job in America working in a group home in Whitmore Lake, Michigan. One day, at about 2am, I was asked to go to the market to get $300 worth of groceries. After I reviewed the grocery list, I started to have a panic attack. Sitting alone in a huge empty van, my palms were sweaty, my heart was pounding and my knees were shaky. I had no clue what “Q-tips”, “Jell-O” and “Kleenex” were. I looked them up in my Chinese-English dictionary. Nothing showed up. All I remember was that horrible sinking feeling in my stomach, “I am going to be fired…” “I won’t be able to pay my rent, my gas, and my food…” “I will be homeless…”
 
            After 15 minutes of panicking, I decided to face my fear. I turned on the engine and took off. As I arrived at the grocery store, I was greeted by three very friendly staff. I let them know that I was a foreign student, and I had no clue what the things on the grocery list were. The staff was extremely helpful and within 20 minutes they brought me three full carts of groceries. They even loaded the things into the van for me. Mission completed without fail. This experience taught me to put my worry aside, focus on what IS under my control, and let the Universe take care of the rest.
 
            The law of attraction means that whatever we focus on, we attract more of it into our lives. The more worrying we do, the more fear we will experience. If success means more love and abundance, failure means more fear and losses, and who in the world wants to fail and attract more fear into their lives?
 
            We are creatures of habit. Unfortunately, many of us have developed a very bad habit called worrying. A lot of times, we zoom in and worry about things that have not even happened. We are paralyzed by worrying. It eventually becomes anxiety, depression and all kinds of addictive behaviors.
 
Here is an example: As I was driving on a highway, I saw a car broke down on the side of the road. I immediately started to think, “what if my car breaks down...bla, bla, bla…” Instead of living in the present and doing something about the funky noise my car was making, I was consumed by my worry that my car would break down. Sure enough, in just a couple of days, my car broke down! What happened was a picture of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
            Worrying is a waste of time and energy. The question is, how do we turn off the WORRY switch? When you are worrying, you are trying to control what is going to happen in the future. Since the future is not here, how can you control something that does not exist? If every second that you got stuck in the future box, it cost you $1,000 how much money could you afford to lose? In reality, your life is more valuable than $1,000 a second. No amount of money can buy the time you have lost worrying.
 
            As a human being, you are wired to win! You can manifest anything you want in your life. All you need to do is to turn off the WORRY switch! The definition of Zen is: “There is no reality outside of here and now.” When you decide NOT to live in the future box, you are turning off the WORRY switch! When that happens, you open up a world of possibilities. You are creating an opportunity to live a life that is full of love, peace and joy!
 
            “You have wings. Learn to use them and fly!” ~ Rumi

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​Let go! It’s easier said than done, we all know that.  
 
On my way home today, while driving by the intersection of two main streets, I saw someone abruptly pull her car in front of another driver. Instead of letting it go, the other driver was screaming at the top of his lungs, cussing at her with foul language and gestures. To protest this injustice, he intentionally parked his car at 120 degrees occupying two lanes at the traffic light.

Our default is automatically set for reaction. Most of time it is compulsive reaction vs calm response. The consequence of not being able to let go is to continue to be trapped in endless pain and suffering.

Letting go is the only way for us to march forward! In other words, letting go is the spirit of surrender.

A lot of people have difficulty understanding what “Surrender” really means! I will use a story about the boxing champion Muhammad Ali to illustrate what surrender really means.

Ali invented a very famous technique called “Rope-a-dope”.  In the beginning of the fight, he would cover his head up in a defensive position and let his opponent punch him over and over. He would stay very close to the rope, and then bounce back from the rope, once his opponent punched him for a while and used up his energy, then Ali would wait until just the right moment, and give his opponent “Bang” a big punch in his face!

This is the power of surrender, winning by letting go! Does surrender mean to “Turn a blind eye to it?" No! Does surrender mean to “Wave the little white flag and admit that I am defeated?” No!

Surrender means to temporarily let go of the current situation, focus on the right timing and take action that is 100% under your control! For example, maybe you don’t like the fact that your job sucks. Instead of complaining about it, you continue to show up for work, tolerate the current situation, be the best employee you can be. Meanwhile you are taking action and applying other jobs that are better suited for you! You are creating a win-win situation!

This is why practicing “Surrender” is the quickest way to get to wherever you want to be! You will never be stuck or become a victim of your current situation!

Be like Ali, my friend! You can let go and march forward, because YOU are the champion!
 
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From EMDR to meditation, I did so much and was able to finally let go of many things that not only haunted me, but kept me in a prison which was only constructed by me. When anxiety attacks happened, I had an array of techniques you (Wen Chi) taught me to use which helped tremendously!" ~Trevor S.~
 
What is DBT?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a therapy designed to help people change patterns of behavior that are not helpful, such as self-harm, suicidal thinking, and substance abuse.  This approach works towards helping people increase their emotional and cognitive regulation by learning about the triggers that lead to reactive states and helping to assess which coping skills to apply in the sequence of events, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to help avoid undesired reactions. DBT assumes that people are doing the best they can but are either lacking the skills or are influenced by positive or negative reinforcement that interferes with their ability to function appropriately.

DBT combines standard cognitive behavioral techniques for emotion regulation and reality-testing with concepts of distress tolerance, acceptance, and mindful awareness largely derived from Buddhist meditative practice.*
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Who can benefit from DBT?

​Although DBT was originally created for individuals with borderline-personality disorder, it has significantly evolved, proving valuable for a much wider range of people struggling with a variety of mental health and relationship concerns.  DBT is often used with individuals who suffer from depression, anxiety, codependency, and alcohol/drug abuse, to name a few.

If you are still unsure if you could benefit from DBT, perhaps ask yourself this question – Do I have behaviors or ways of thinking that are potentially becoming harmful to my wellbeing?

If you answered yes, or even maybe, then incorporating DBT skills could absolutely be a great approach to providing some relief.  Essentially, if you want to improve your quality of life and connections with others, you are a good fit for DBT group! 
 
What will I learn about in DBT group at Zen Institute?

Learning DBT is like learning a new language.  Yet, Zen Institute has created a DBT group that is focused on simplicity and effectiveness.  The groups are small, to promote safety, trust, and open discussion.  Participants are taught one skill at a time.  Each skill is coordinated with a worksheet to reinforce the material.  Participants are encouraged to share life experiences and learn from each other.  
       
The group is divided into the four major modules of DBT:
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1. Mindfulness

Mindfulness will challenge you to accept negative thoughts, feelings, or situations as they are, rather than concentrating on how you might want them to be.  Mindfulness is a great tool to help you stay in the present and be non-judgmental toward yourself and others.

2. Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation will help you identify and understand the functions of your emotions, and provide you with tools to process overwhelming emotions and channel them into positive action.

3. Distress Tolerance

Distress tolerance provides you with tools for self soothing and coping with crisis situations in a positive way.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness    

The interpersonal effectiveness module will teach you how to get what you want in your relationships.   You will learn to speak up your truth, set healthy boundaries, and create loving relationships.

DBT is a unique style of group therapy.  The tools learned in DBT group can serve you for a lifetime.

This post was contributed by:
Jenna Jarrold, MS, LAC, NCC
Staff Therapist, Zen Institute

*Source: Wikipedia contributors. "Dialectical behavior therapy." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 25 May. 2015. Web. 18 Jun. 2015.